Thyroid, Schmyroid.

Let me begin by saying I was a total sobbing fool earlier today and had to call my sister to be reassured that I am a "normal" mother (contrary to some) who is experiencing "normal" emotions with our daughter's first birthday fast approaching next Tuesday.  I literally was sitting in her nursery reading her a book and the next minute I had full on crocodile tears...filled with overwhelming joy and love for this sweet baby girl I at times think I don't deserve.  How did we get so lucky?  Don't get me wrong, there are days when I count the minutes until nap time...but I cringe now at the thought of the last year flashing before my eyes.  Sigh.  Our first year is almost over and I simply can't believe it....

On another note:  my body seems to be all jacked up (for lack of a better term.)  About seven years ago I found out my throat tightens up, making it hard to swallow.  Sweet!  I dropped 15 lbs. fast because I was so afraid to eat, I had almost choked a few times.  I was due for a follow up endoscopy in '08 and never bothered to have it done...and in the last 6 months or so I have almost choked about a dozen times...very graceful when you have to rush to the bathroom in a fancy restaurant in the middle of your anniversary dinner.  So, in I went for an endoscopy last week and out I came with a sore throat like no other.  They had to put an actual tear in the throat muscle to permanently open it.  One section of my throat had tightened to the size of a dime!  oy.

That's why I find it so hilarious that I have this issue eating, however why can't I drop the last 10 lbs of my pregnancy weight?  My thyroid apparently is also out of whack...the kind of out of whack which makes you gain weight, be exhausted, be depressed and one other thing which would be inappropriate to write in my blog.

So, I have 6 weeks of medicine to take and I am hoping and praying I will feel good soon.  Atleast now I have a better understanding as to why I have been so short with people, moody, probably rude and a smorgasbord of other things.  I'm really, really sorry to all who had to endure this.  I have a very patient and loving husband, thank God.

I really had just chalked it up to being a new mom.  But, that in itself is fabulous...

P.S. Leila is officially walking :):

Monday Night, Baby!

Today is game day and I am super excited to make my first recipe from a book I have been slightly obsessed with the last few days.  A hearty, yummy corn chowder for my hubby to enjoy while yelling at the Redskins.  This is by far my favorite time of year...to nest, cook, curl up with a good book, watch football and enjoy the changing leaves.  I have read the book cover to cover and love its message.  It is Lost Recipes by Marion Cunningham and it's all about getting back to wholesome, family dinners.  The way it should be, really.  Memories are made in the kitchen.

Ok, so I am beginning to sound like a stereotypical 1950's housewife (blast!)....I may even wear my brown and pink polka dot apron this go round.  But seriously...we ladies are nurturers through and through and what man doesn't love coming home from a long day at the office, sitting down to a game of football on the tube and eating a meal prepared with love?  And, so I guess sitting down to have dinner as a family at our actual kitchen table will have to wait until Leila goes to bed after dinner time.  For tonight...dinner will be had in the living room with the lovely sound of football in the background.  Hello, Fall!!!!

a year in a box

So, yesterday marked our two year wedding anniversary!  I don't know where the last year has gone.  Really.  My dad and I have had some heart to hearts recently about life and how as you get older time just goes faster and faster.  As he gets older, he wants to pass down what he has learned and really wants me  to savor each moment and enjoy life to it's fullest.  I can appreciate that, especially after the birth of our daughter and witnessing first hand exactly what he means.

After I discovered Darcy Miller's scrapboxing idea I decided with our first anniversary to take a very small box and bundle up our year with special momentos.  This is our 2nd year box...I'm going to keep this anniversary tradition going until one day we have a full wall of scrap boxes to look back on. 

The key is to keep things throughout the year that are meaningful.  I have pages from our favorite book, Pat the Bunny, her hat from the hospital, 1/2 of her toy pig since the other piece went missing, part of Max's collar, a chocolate wrapper from The Greenbrier, a shell from our first trip to the beach....etc.

Needless to say, this was the year of Leila.

Hello again!

Dear Blog,

I know I have been ignoring you and I am sorry.  It's been a rough few months but I'm feeling better now and ready to get back to my painting and face the world again.  You see, I was in this really dark spot for a while and just needed a break.  In June, TJ and I found out we were expecting another baby!  We were so excited and started planning right away...it was hard to imagine Leila would have a little brother or sister so soon.  Our first appointment arrived and things didn't go quite as we imagined.  Our baby wasn't growing as should be expected.  We had to wait another two weeks for another sonogram.  Two weeks slowly passed...our baby had not grown.  Unfortunately we had a miscarriage. 

I wasn't sure if I should talk about it...it is something so private.  But, the more I thought about it the more I thought it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Miscarriages are all too common, yet rarely spoken of.  And, for that matter, the fact that I went through a depression for several weeks after...really is perfectly normal.  And, it's ok to say "I need a break, I need help."

Thank goodness for our wonderful family.  They helped us through such a trying time.  It showed us that family really is your backbone when life throws you your hardest punches.

So, here I am...I'm back!  Thanks for sticking by me...can't wait to paint my heart out!

xo Erin

For more information on miscarriages go here.