At the same time, on an emotional level....can we delay this 2nd little arrival just a bit? I'm just not sure I am ready to give up my one on one time with my girl. So many thoughts go through my head...Will the bond be the same with a boy? Will I feel this overwhelming love for him like I do for my little girl? Will he be an "easy" baby or will I be banging my head against the wall trying to figure the little guy out? How will Leila react to him...my heart aches to think she may feel abandoned or jealous.
It's amazing how two pregnancies can be so entirely different. Leila was a breeze pretty much. I worked up until a few days before my due date. I hate to sound like a broken record and annoying in any way (feel free to stop reading, my feelings won't be hurt)...but I am pretty darn miserable at this point and to think there are 3 more months to go. Between being so sick the first tri-mester, 2 bad colds, an allergic reaction to amoxicillin, feeling like I can't breathe and my lungs are squished, my back in total pain and the endless nasal congestion and acid reflux, an air bubble that seems lodged in my lung at night...I feel like one big blob of yuck.
I was going to a friend's house last week and before I stepped foot in her house I tried to blow my nose one last time so I wouldn't be blowing my nose rudely, non-stop for an hour while we discussed boy names and the ugliness of shopping with children over coffee. I blew my nose so hard in her driveway that I managed to create the mother of pinched nerves in my neck. (for those who don't know, I am part of the lovely 20-30% of women who suffer from congestion throughout their pregnancy). It was the kind of pinched nerve which leaves you having to shift your entire body to see something 20 degrees to the left. The kind where you can't hold your phone with your neck and shoulder unless you want the person on the other end to hear every foul mouthed sailor curse word known to man. Yeah, it was bad. I awkwardly walked up and rang her door bell and couldn't help but laugh.
So, I immediately took action. The moment of needing and desperation for a prenatal massage had called my name. No price would have been too high...I called my sister in law who's husband knows someone who knows someone (that kind of thing) who is a local massage therapist and pretty well known. She was able to get me in that night. And, God bless my husband who told me to go ahead and get the 90 minute vs. 60 minute massage....the clock ticked.
Fairly loud spoken and definitely not shy, she runs her business out of a little attic in her house...it was not what I expected. But, let me tell you. The girl knows what she is doing. I painfully let her knead the pinched nerve and muscles while I bit my lower lip and tried not to laugh....the kind of pain that hurts but also kind of tickles. While doing this, she began to tell me her life story. Telling me how I was laying on her very first massage table...the same table she has given Tori Spelling and Snoop Dog massages on. Wait, what? Apparently she was out in California on a yacht (or something like that) and they were filming the Tori and Dean reality show and she got to hang out with Tori Spelling. The 90's image of Donna in daisy dukes and red lipstick popped in my head....and then Snoop Dogg with lazy eyes and smoke swirling all around him. Not what you expect to be thinking about during a massage.
Anyway, I could tell you more about that massage but it would be a novel. When it came time for her to massage my feet she turned psychic on me and was able to tell me things about myself no one else could know (no joke!) Bottom line, she worked the pinched nerve sucker out and I am thankful for that. Things have been eventful with this pregnancy and I'm just a little overwhelmed by the mix of emotions and the early feeling of being "done"....and trying to prepare my mind and heart for a new little being in our family when all I can do is love on our girl these days as much as I can...I could simply eat her up. She is talking in full sentences now, calls me her best friend, gives me and her daddy kisses galore....life is good the way it is.....and all of it will change very, very soon. Here's to preparing for little brother and praying I will be able to give out the same love that I have doled out so far for this little girl: